Mind Your Words!!!

Let’s talk about normalising not expressing views on what someone (usually a woman) is wearing or doing with their body.

Now, I get lots of compliments from random people in public, and I like that dopamine hit as much as the next person. However, I also get lots of other sorts of comments. We seem to have forgotten the old adage, ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything’. And that matters.

I am solidly in my ‘no f@%ks era’. But, the less I care about others’ opinion of me, the more I care about the people who come behind me - those who are vulnerable to pressure to conform to some kind of stereotype or societal standard, and whose confidence, self-esteem and self-worth are vulnerable to unsolicited ‘advice’. And I think about the wider consequences of those behaviours too.

Let me be clear here, when I’m talking about what people wear, I am not suggesting dressing in a culturally inappropriate way when we travel, or being disrespectful in a sensitive environment. Nor am I suggesting people ignore explicit dress codes in any environment. I am talking about people being able to go about their day in the average Australian town or city wearing something that expresses who they are, without some idiot making a judgmental comment.

Why? Because it’s disrespectful and none of your goddam business! And it has consequences for the recipient and our culture.

The epidemic of domestic violence in this country is about male violence against female partners or ex-partners. The research shows the gateway to violence is disrespect – you have seen the Commonwealth Government’s advertising campaign as much as I have. So, if you make a disparaging and/or sexual comment about women, sex, or my body or clothes in front of your children, you teach them that sort of disrespect is ok. THAT is not ok.

In this context, it seems the more I don’t care what people think, the more I find myself responding to the (negative) comments, the suggestions that my outfit might be too loud, too short, too revealing... The ‘that outfit is very XXX for someone your age….’, the ‘don’t you think you should…’, the ‘you’re making men…’.

Sure, in an environment or relationship in which it is appropriate, respond to invitations for advice and engage in a curious way, and of course compliment in a non-sexual way. But, other than that, it’s none of your beeswax!!!!!!

My point is, I do not care what you say about me, but I do care that if no one puts you back in your box you will think it is still ok. And if you do, you will likely do the same to or in front of someone young and impressionable. And that will in turn lead to the next generation thinking its ok. So, shut the f@%k up – not because I care, but because you should.

Jane Goodall said ‘it is very easy to be considered a difficult woman, that is why there are so many of us’. I am proud to be becoming a more ‘difficult’ woman in her footsteps.